|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 1/27/2011
Posts: 68
|
Hi anyone that remembers me from the old forum will remember how difficult it was to get my grandson back in my life.I have only one son and his son is now 12 and comes and stays with us every weekend.My son has now got a new partner and I was given a second grandson two years ago who i also dearly love.The problem is that my sons partner fell out with me some months ago and stopped me from seeing him which was devastating and I was shocked that my son said that if he went agaist her wishes his life would be hell.(I can understand where he is coming from)The thing is that during the last few months that I have fallen out with his partner I have always been in touch with my son and known that there was another baby on the way.What has devastated me is I have recieved a text from my son two days ago (A Text!) to say that baby has arrived and is well I was sent the text a day after he was born.Nothing since I am devastated and havn't stopped crying I don't now what to do? xxxxxx
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/18/2010 Posts: 1,098 Location: farningham kent
|
Mornings Mags
I am terribly sorry that this has all happened to you, I to a degree can understand as I have problems with my daughter and have gradually over time tried to accept the situation although very difficult. I have thought hard and I feel in your position I would send a card congratulating them on the birth of the baby, I know it is not easy but least you know in your heart you have done the right thing, hopefully the situation will improve for you all.
I hope you feel a little bit better today, thinking of you.
Julia x
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 11/20/2010 Posts: 244 Location: Cornwall
|
Hi Mags,
So sorry to hear about this. After several ups and downs with a volatile family and long silences from various people including my father for 20 years I can appreciate what you're going through. Unfortunately I now have little to do with my family to avoid the pain they cause and being let down yet again. Friends are far more reliable and closer. It must be devastating for you but I agree with Julia, do the right thing, be the grown up here, persevere and maybe it'll all come right in the end? I've given up with my lot but envy my husband and his close knit family and sometimes I wish I'd tried much harder.
Good luck
Sara
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/8/2010 Posts: 914
|
Hi Mags, I really feel for you, this must be devastating for you. Sometimes we have to do things which we don't always agree with and for your health and the grand children's sake send a lovely card and a letter making peace with her for all your sakes. Young people can be so head strong and not always see the picture the way we do and it is so cruel to use children as pawns. The children will miss you too. If I were you I would send flowers too and do whatever it takes to get back in with her, your turn will come to get your point over in time. I will be difficult for your son too, a text was the most hurtful thing to do to you, but men they don't think and I presume he is quite young and they definitely don't think.  Time will pass and things will move on but he will have to live with that, the way he hurt you. Apologise to her whether or not it's your fault and look forward to seeing your lovely grand children, they need you too. I hope things work out for you. Take care Lorna x
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,157 Location: Huddersfield
|
Hi Mags,
So sorry to hear of all that has happened to you.
I agree with others, send a card and start trying to put right the problem with your son's partner, in order to be able to maintain contact with your grandchildren.
Good luck with it.
Doreen xx
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 8/25/2010 Posts: 1,289 Location: Buckinghamshire
|
hi Mags,
sorry to hear of your problem ... absolutely devasting for you to find out about your new grand child by text.
it's easy for things to escalate with family issues, and it's probably easier for your Son to go along with things as they are now than rocking the boat.
i would also suggest sending a Card congratulating them and perhaps asking if you could receive a picture.
as they say time's a good healer,
hope things resolve themselves for you all,
Suzanne x
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/28/2011 Posts: 956 Location: North Preston
|
Hi Mags
I agree with the others. You will never be stress free while there is a rift in your family so making up is the best thing to do all round. It won't be easy making the first move, especially if it is not your fault, but for your family's sake and your health you need to.
Good luck
Sheila x
|
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 1/27/2011
Posts: 68
|
Hi thanks for your replies and I would love to remedy the situation but my son's partner has crossed a line with me and my husband has said he will never speak to her again.My son has not been brought up to be disrespectable but it seems that he has learn't now from another.Thanks again x
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/28/2011 Posts: 956 Location: North Preston
|
Hi Mags
You seem to be between a rock and a hard place. You need to concentrate on your health just now and when you are feeling stronger you may look at things in a different light. Your husband may cool down in time and decide that blood is thicker than water. I hope and pray that you can find some kind of reconnection or compromise so that the rift can be healed. Families are so important. I wish you all the luck in the world
Love Sheila x
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 8/25/2010 Posts: 1,289 Location: Buckinghamshire
|
hi Mags,
i can only re-iterate what Sheila says,
it would be so sad if the rift isn't healed and the longer it goes on the worse it gets.
i can see you are being pulled both ways and this must be causing you so much sadness.
truly hope that with a bit of time all is resolved,
take care
Suzanne x
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 11/26/2010 Posts: 71 Location: London
|
Oh Mags what a place to be stuck!
I agree with the others. A few years ago my partner's brother lived with us and then his girlfriend needed to move out of her flat and moved in too - everything went wrong and they moved out, even though we tried to talk things through they would brood or shout with nothing in between. We have met our nephew - 3 and a half - twice and they live 4 miles away! We decided to be polite and reasonable in all our limited communication and we are absolutely on time with birthday and Christmas presents for our nephew. We want to make sure he knows he has an uncle and aunt and maybe he'll choose to get to know us when he's older. But it is hard and a nephew's not quite like a grandchild... We've just heard from my partner's parents that there's another baby on the way, who we my not get to meet at all, but we will do our best to keep in touch with cards and presents!
Vicky xx
|
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009
Posts: 2,127
Location: Thornton Cleveleys
|
Hi Mags What a difficult situation for you to be in. Families can cause us so many problems (been there and going through it!) and many things that are said in the heat of the moment can fester away for years destroying people's happiness along the way. Okay a text isn't the right way to communicate such delightful news but at least it's one up on not being told at all! I would, in the circumstances, send a congratulatory card and a token gift for the baby, and step back for now. You will have acknowledged the new arrival and done what you are able. Clearly your husband feels strongly about what's happened and only you know whether he would accept to be party to such a gesture of goodwill. I hope given time all parties will see the hurt and upset that the ongoing 'feud' is causing and come to some sort of acceptance for the sake of children if nothing else. I do hope things improve for you Mags, Lyn x
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/8/2010 Posts: 914
|
Hi Mags, I too know of people where there has been a rift and the husband has been adamant there would be no communication. The thing is time heals and people move on as they have , but they have missed so much of the children's lives. It's all so pointless, life is so important and we should all grasp it with both hands, as we never know what lies is front of us. Regret is one of life's biggest mistakes. I hope you find peace from this soon. Thinking about you Lorna x
|
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 1/27/2011
Posts: 68
|
thanks everyone again I can appreciate your comments and understand but just to put you in the picture one of the things that my son's partner has said that I was born to not work and Iwouldn't know a days work if it slapped me in the face.I have worked dammed hard and my husband for what we have today and would give my right arm to go and do a job and bring in an income rather than get a bennifit it is so disrespectable x
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/8/2010 Posts: 914
|
Hi Mags, Your sons partner has a lot to learn, she may live to regret that remark. It was hurtful but I would just ignore remarks like that. It was probably said in a heated argument and it should be treated with the contempt it deserves. Don't let her stupid remark deprive you from loving your precious grandchildren. We all know what we go through with RA and people like her may well find out for themselves one day. Chin up and don't let her upset you any more. I do hope you reconsider. Lorna x
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/28/2011 Posts: 956 Location: North Preston
|
Hi Mags
Sounds like a bit of jealousy there to me and also a lot of ignorance about RA. If you don't want to see them yet, why not try sending some info about RA to them in the post and hope they read it. It might make her see things in a different light and she might even apologise. Worth a try. Good luck.
Sheila x
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/18/2010 Posts: 1,098 Location: farningham kent
|
I really do feel sorry for you Mags, you really are in a rotten situation with this woman. You never know one day your son might see what she is really made of, but won t help you now I know. As she seems to know so much about you and all that has gone on over the years, shame she didn t have a read-up on RA and be a bit more clever !
I still would send the card, and I m absolutely sure it will be appreciated by your son, she can t control everything even if she thinks she can, and don t even bother about thinking about her on this occasion she is just not worth it. Don t make her day and ignore the good news. ( Sorry if I have rambled )
Take care, Julia x
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 346
|
Hi Mags so sorry to hear you are going through this. I agree with the others that maybe sending a card and gift may go some way to healing the rift.
Best wishes.
Bevxx
|
|
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 1/27/2011
Posts: 68
|
Thanks again for your comments at the moment all I feel is a loss of my son and what has made him forget what a brilliant childhood he had and why deny the same to my grandchildren. My eldest grandchild has come this evening and said he dosen't what to go round there so for me its all starting again .I can't deal with this.It will be a week tomorrow since the birth of my third grandchild and I havn't even seen a picture.Anyway sorry to go on about it people have lots more horrible things going on and i have sort things out myself.Thanks for your advice it's always welcome xx
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
